I met this girl in 3rd Grade
She took me for a ride
She left me for the spider boy
I drank some milk and cried

So I hooked up with a Catholic
She wore a uniform
I caught her with a surfer
I wished I was never born

Mystery date
Sweetheart, where ya been?
Mystery date
I want you to come on in
Mystery date, mystery date

I bounced back with a dancer
Who liked to snort cocaine
I think she moved to Portland
She always liked the rain

So I ran around the smog scene
With a skinny kappa poet swirl
She was intellectual
She was into girls

Mystery date
Sweetheart, where ya been?
Mystery date
I want you to come on in
Mystery date, mystery date

(solo)

First a mystery on TV
Then in a magazine
Now I see her everywhere
Through my ??? dream

So I found myself in a stylist
But there really wasn't much there
She never, she never heard of Hendrix, Gershwin
But she knew a lot about hair

Mystery date
Sweetheart, where ya been?
Mystery date
I want you to come on in
Mystery date, mystery date

Mystery date, mystery date
Mystery date, mystery date
Mystery date, mystery date