I don't know why I'm standing here in this line
I keep telling my mom she's wasting her time
No matter what she says, it ain't gonna happen
No, I ain't gonna sit on Santa's lap

No, I ain't gonna sit on Santa's lap
He's got a scary white beard and a kooky red cap
I should be home taking a nap
No, I ain't gonna sit on Santa's lap

Look at that big red giant on his throne
You must be crazy if you think
I'm climbing up there all alone

I used to really like this department store
Now I don't wanna be here anymore
Mom, maybe we should go
There's all those presents to wrap
'Cause I ain't gonna sit on Santa's lap

No, I ain't gonna sit on Santa's lap
He's got a scary white beard and a kooky red cap
There'll be no picture, no camera snap
No, I ain't gonna sit on Santa's lap

(Oh) It feels less like Christmas
(Oh) And more like Halloween
(Oh) They say he's sweet and jolly
(Oh) But to me he looks nothing but mean

And next thing I know, someone's callin' my name
And all of a sudden, tears are fallin' like rain
Before you could say "slip, slippery, slap"
I was sittin' on Santa's lap

Well, I froze like ice, I couldn't run away
I heard a strange voice say "now, now, it's OK"
The lights went dim, there was a long pause
And I was face to face with Santa Claus

He had apple red cheeks and a smile and blue eyes
He didn't seem to mean, in fact he looked kinda nice
He asked me what I wanted and he made me laugh
And then I tickled his belly
And they took a photograph

I said
"Oh yeah, a baseball mitt and a lot of toys"
He said
"A ho, ho, ho. You've been a very good boy"
My mom says
"Let's go, we got those presents to wrap"
I said
"I ain't gettin' off of Santa's lap"

(Oh oh oh oh)
No, I ain't gettin' off of Santa's lap
(Oh oh oh oh)
He's got a silky white beard and a furry night cap
(Oh oh oh oh)
I'm stayin' right here with this jolly old chap
Stayin' right here on Santa's lap